Why Little Secrets are Going to Stay Secrets

I had such a wonderful day yesterday. It was just one of those days were everything felt right,you know?

I have this habit of looking at everything in a negative way, always thinking people do things with an alternative motive. This is due to me being too open to people about my personal life. I mean look at me; Talking about all these personal things on a blog where anybody can read it. But I don’t feel ashamed of my experiences so I see no reason as to why I shouldn’t share my happening and my thoughts with strangers.

When I was younger (not much long ago) I would tell my “friends” anything that went through my mind, my opinions about things, people, and life. I did this because I saw no reason as to why I shouldn’t. They were my friends. Now that I am older (by not much) I realize they never were really as open with me as I was with them. I should have gotten a clue.

It wasn’t until there was a fallout that I realized what they really thought of me. They believed me mean because I told the truth, they believed me fake because I would joke around, and they believed me passive because I was a loyal friend and did not talk about them behind their backs.

When the friendship ended I found out they were talking about me, telling people what I told them. It wasn’t a good time in my teenage life. There was anguish embedded within my throat and it would not go away unless I talked to somebody about it. So I took one day and went to the school counselor  The one that you can tell your problems to. Within 30 seconds of arriving in his office my face was red and puffy with tears streaming down my face. He was really astonished and led me to a seat where I told him all my feelings and everything that was going on. I could barely talk because of my crying, but I did my best. And all of this happened because of one friend, that wasn’t even a good friend.

After spending all of my lunch hour in his office I finally felt better and washed my face with cold water. Timidly I walked to class because I was late. I guess the teacher saw my puffy eyes and decided not to comment about my lateness because he never said anything to me, and nobody in my class ever did.

Moments like that really change a person. That moment, that only lasted two hours at most, changed my attitude towards people, sure I am still tell them random things about myself. But the truly important events in my life, the one that are both the big dirty secret or the great big secret, those stay within the confinements of my mind, And that is where they are going to stay.


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